The Well-Intentioned Relative

I played a losing game and lost. Not that I was surprised, really, because I knew going into it, that there was no way to win. In fact, these sorts of games generally don't interest me enough to spark participation, but this time its sneaked up on me. Nefore I had time to decline the invitation to play, the game had already started -- and the home team was pummeling me.

So what is this perverse game?

It's called "Defend Your Actions." Millions play it all over the globe, each and every day. Most aren't aware they're playing, or even that they've everplayed. Frequent the participants are related, but this is not a requirement of the game. You may recognize when others are playing, but not necessarily when YOU are, at least not until afterwards.

It goes like this:

Someone asks a seemingly innocent question, to which the other player kindly responds. The interviewing player then proceeds to explain how/why the answering player is completely wrong. At this point, the normal response is to defend the position, using facts or well-researched data. This is met with extreme resistance and a stronger re-iteration of the original criticism, though not much fact. [N.B.:This is always based on their "knowledge" of the subject in question, and backed up with statements like, "That just isn't how things are done here..." or, "That would never work here, people just wouldn't go for it..." and the old chestnut, "I've never heard of anyone that actually did it, so it must not be true."]

The underlying message is that the person explaining their idea or action was somehow too stupid or too gullible to see the err of their own ways, and that they shouldn't pursue the action any longer because they are obviously clueless and will inevitably hurt themselves in the process. Pretty insulting, isn't it? It's only natural to try to defend.

But THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

As soon as someone agrees to defend or justify themselves, they have bought into this unwinnable game. In the end, nobody has changed their mind, and anger, frustration, and a lack of respect for each other sets in. Remember that so long as your actions are not hurting another individial or group, you need not play the game. You need not justify your actions, or lack thereof to anyone but yourself. And you need not explain why you think you're correct to act. As the adage goes, "The proof is in the pudding." It's a recipe for happiness.